Necessary Madness
by Restless And Tempted
Summary: I was not mad, I am not mad! No, I am finally sane! Christine is unable to forget her Angel, his voice constantly whispering to her in her dreams. What happens when she gives in and listens? Rated T for madness and a touch of morbidity.


**A/N: **So here is another oneshot, again hopefully as book and movie friendly as the concept of this piece allows. The majority is in Christine's POV and the end half is in Erik's.

This takes place a few months after Christine left with Raoul.

This is my take on how things could've gone had Christine been unable to forget her fascinatingly strong connection & love for Erik, and how she would react when his absence led her to become unstable. For this I tried my hand at a bit of morbidity and a whole lot of madness, it's quite different from my other phic but I hope you enjoy it all the same!

Also, (though I'm sure it won't happen), just to clarify, incase anyone gets confused by it, the parts in italics in the midst of Christine's musings (e.g. _On I walk... _etc.) are just her continued narrative of where she's going as she reveals what has already happened.

And last, but certainly not least, thank you to Nuria Shadow & livie lightyear for reviewing and favouriting my last phic I really appreciate it thanks so much! (",)

**Enjoy!!**

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**Necessary Madness**

I have fallen again. My soul seeks to fly to my destination as fast as it can but my body is unable to cooperate, it seems to falter and stumble at every inconvenient moment. The flesh is weak…

I hit the ground hard; its snow covering doing little to soften my landing. My hands sting and throb unbearably and the gravel bites into the flesh of my legs. My once splendid gown, already quite ruined, is now ripped and quite beyond repair. But material possessions mean nothing to me now…I barely feel the pain of my injuries, I barely feel anything but the feelings _he _invokes in me.

Tonight I relinquish the world of mere mortals; foolish creatures who have not known divinity, who seek to stifle me and imprison me, like that boy masquerading as a man!

But I have broken their chains, opened my eyes and counted the stars. All the stars burning like fire…I can still see the flames. I wished upon a fallen one, they are the most beautiful you know. I must not speak of it though or else the wish won't come true!

I won't speak of it but I will make sure it is fulfilled. I stole back my heart tonight. I know that stealing is a sin but it was necessary, my heart was being held against its will and it had, after all, been stolen first. What goes around, comes around…

Yes, it was necessary for I need it. I must be ready and willing to give my heart, my body and my soul tonight, just as I had promised. I am ready, I am willing. Tonight is my Ascension.

I rise from the ground as quickly as possible, it is difficult. I feel myself tiring and for one uncertain moment the world closes in on me, Fate seems to be conspiring against me. I can't breathe! But what I am doing…what I have done…it is my destiny, it is right, I know it. I know everything now; I see it all as clear as day.

I cling to this thought and the world returns to normal. I breathe easy again and trek on through the snow leaving little droplets of blood in my wake every few steps or so, but I am not about to die, not all of it is my own after all. The path to true love is never an easy one…

_On I walk…_

_The Angel is calling…_

I had hoped to avoid all this mess but at the very moment when I should've allowed _his _darkness to embrace me, I was weak. As I was rowed away across the lake and I felt the light of the world above me approach, I nearly threw myself in, to punish myself. _How could I have been so stupid, I deserve to drown! _But I was saved from death by my ill-cast hero, my then betrothed, who pulled me ashore before I jumped. It would seem now that that was the only real favour he ever did me.

It took me much longer than I should have allowed to rectify my mistake. I allowed myself to be poisoned against my true choice, drawn from my path. For a long time I tried to believe the lies but the truth always comes out. During the day I could hide but at night…at night I heard my Angel's voice in my head, felt his arms around me. Singing, whispering, screaming! Holding, caressing, hurting! In darkness he came to me...

I had denied him, turned from true beauty! Night after night I suffered in exquisite agony. In my shame I tried to run, but I couldn't escape. I was haunted by a ghost. He had possessed me; crawled into my soul…he was my soul! I was dying without him!

Every night I was torn apart by my betrayal, my abandonment of him! Ripped apart at the seams as though I were a worthless piece of fabric, and I was worthless! I didn't sing, I barely spoke, every voice I heard was like a dagger in my side because it was not _his _voice. I didn't understand, I was almost afraid to.

I sat before the mirror in my room for hours at a time, every night. I know now that I was waiting for _him, _but _he_ never came. I looked so hard at that useless object that I seemed to disappear, becoming nothing but a shadow. My reflection was with _him_, it dwelt only in _his _mirror. There was always a wretched silence at night except inside of me, inside of me there was music. _He _is and has always been music. I found myself reveling in it, at night I was free and yet I was not!

I became as violent as a cornered animal as I fought against his hold on me, fighting for my existence, fighting for my sanity. I didn't understand until one day everything snapped, I was aware of great anguish and then I was awash in contentment. Finally I understood! I knew what I had to do, I had always known. The Angel was calling me home; all I had to do was listen and follow. My path was clear…almost…only one thing stood in my way.

_I am close now…_

_I avoid the light from the street lamps; I find it hurts my eyes…_

The boy. Raoul. I used to think of him as my saviour, my beloved, my husband. It's rather funny to think of it now; I don't believe my misguided childhood friend would agree though. I believe he finds himself unable to laugh with me at the moment.

I told him I was leaving, I told him that I was wanted, I was needed by another…my Angel, my Erik… But the fool did not let me go! He tried to trap me! He locked me in my room, tied me to my bed, sent doctor after doctor to my bedside. He believed me mad, they all did! I was not mad, I am not mad! No, I am finally sane!

I screamed and raged at him and he screamed and raged back, before sobbing by my side begging me to forget Erik, to come back to him. I don't believe he knew the depth of what he asked of me, it was too great a sacrifice. I found myself unable to feel anything for him but frustration when faced with these pitiful displays. I was not his, couldn't he see that, I had never been his!

_I go through the entrance at the Rue Scribe…_

_I can feel him so close to me now… _

I closed my eyes and implored my Angel to help me escape this madness; he came to me as I slept and whispered in my ear. From my dreams I awoke with a plan.

This morning I became calm again. I made Raoul believe that I had forgotten, that I was his now. The door was unlocked, my bindings removed and the doctors left patting each others backs in congratulations. Raoul came to me as the sun set expecting to be welcomed with open arms. I had never seen him as shocked as in that moment when the rope, that had once bound me, fell around his neck and tightened.

I must admit I had been reluctant to end things this way; I had, after all, once believed myself to have had feelings for him. It seems like such a distant memory now...

Had he only let me go before I wouldn't have been forced to do it. But it was necessary, it was deserved. The rope burned my hands but the Angel demanded it so I bore the pain. This was my penance.

_I can see the lake now…_

_The Siren is silent tonight in honour of my homecoming…_

He did not beg only sobbed, he barely struggled, only leaving bruises on my arms where he had gripped them. Forgive him for it Father, he did not understand.

As he breathed his last, he looked into my eyes, his own widening in fear as he choked out one horrified word, "Phantom!" Then he slumped to the floor, an obstacle no more. I had one last task to complete.

I took the ornate silver knife I had hidden from under my pillow and proceeded to take back the heart that he had stolen from me…He became nothing but crimson in my hand. A river of crimson...I almost drowned...

I shook terribly and I believe I cried...but I don't remember why. I tipped over a candelabrum or two, setting the place alight before I left, to destroy the remains. My Angel told me that the authorities would not understand if I told them that he made me do it.

Now I am free. In possession of my heart, my body and my soul, ready to give them to my beloved Erik as I should have all those months ago. I have returned to my Angel of Music, perhaps the only Angel who will have me now, but he is the only Angel I need!

Oh, Erik, it has been too long!

I see him sitting at his magnificent pipe organ, lost in music as tears pour down his face. His apparent sadness barely registers, all I am aware of is his presence, it is as though I have never left. A wave of dizziness passes over me as my very being exalts at the nearness of him.

As though sensing me he turns sharply towards me and gasps in shock. I stumble forwards, raising my arms to him as though in supplication.

"Angel, Erik…I did what you asked! I have returned!"

The exhaustion and my injuries begin to overwhelm me as I weep tears of utter joy; I fall again as the darkness closes in on me. But before I am lost to sweet oblivion I feel Erik's arms catch me, cradle me, and I know that when I wake we will be together at last!

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She awoke rather violently again tonight, gasping and searching for me frantically.

"Erik? Angel?" She whispers. I clutch her tightly murmuring gently to her that I am with her. I am still shocked to find my touch soothes her, still shocked to find her with me. I know that she has had _the_ nightmares again, she suffers them most nights.

"It was just a dream, my love, not real."

It is my usual consolation to her when she awakes like this, a habit of mine by now. She kisses me even though I wear no mask; I forget sometimes that it does not bother her.

"It was real,"

Her voice is quiet, acceptant, her eyes gleam, whether in madness or lucidity I dare not question.

"It was necessary."

Whether she says this for my benefit or hers, I cannot tell anymore.

Against my will I glance down at her scarred hands, hands scarred by rope burn, the only evidence on this beautiful Angel that shows the truth of her words.

It was real, it did happen.

Images of that night, of this divine creature, covered in blood reaching for me flash through my mind, as I remember that I hold within my arms the most innocent murderer I have ever known. We are both tainted, with hands stained in blood. We are both damaged...

I had thought that by being around her, by loving her I would inevitably destroy her, drive her mad with my presence and devotion. But in a display of ultimate irony I discovered that night that it was in fact the opposite. Without me she unravelled, only now by my side was she herself again…or as close as she could ever be to herself again. I thought that she would bring light to my darkness but we are forever in shadow...

It breaks my heart to think of it and sometimes I find myself weeping for her lost innocence, but, no, I cannot think like that! She needs me now…she has always needed me. She loves me! I have killed for her as she has killed for me.

She looks up at me, with those gleaming yet oh so loving eyes, and smiles softly, "I love you, my husband, forever and a day…"

I kiss her reverently,

"And I you, my Angel."

She falls back asleep with a smile on her face, and as I gaze upon her I find I cannot regret what happened as much as I should. But am I so wretched for feeling this way?

When I let her go I had been ready to die rather then live without her, every night I had called for her…it seems that somehow she heard.

She is here now, happy and contented, and she is mine, my willing, living bride!

I settle down more comfortably beside my precious Christine and murmur to myself,

"It was necessary", before succumbing to sleep with a bittersweet smile on my face.

We are together at last, together in love and perhaps, at times, together in madness…

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**A/N: **So, there you have it, hope you enjoyed reading! **Feedback is dearly appreciated! (",)**


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